Despite being a very personal and frequently unpleasant experience, infertility is still one of the most stigmatized subjects in society. Millions of people and couples worldwide struggle with infertility, but many of them keep quiet about it out of shame, fear, or social pressure. The financial and emotional costs can be too much for people who choose assisted reproductive methods like IVF.
Through the narrative of Dr. Chelsea Scott, an OB/GYN who assists other women in becoming mothers while overcoming her own infertility, Nina Winther illuminates this struggle in Should It Be This Hard? The emotional peaks and valleys of assisted reproduction, the toll it takes on relationships, and the expectations society places on women regarding parenting are all depicted in the book. This blog, which draws inspiration from Chelsea’s experience, analyses the stigma associated with IVF and infertility, its effects on mental health, and the importance of having candid discussions to end the taboo.
Understanding Infertility and IVF
The failure to conceive after a year of consistent, unprotected sexual activity is sometimes referred to as infertility. Despite the fact that it affects roughly 1 in 8 couples, many individuals believe that everyone gets pregnant easily. For people who are struggling, this misperception frequently results in criticism or unwanted advice like “just relax” or “stop trying so hard,” which may be quite damaging.
IVF is one of the most well-known reproductive procedures available to couples seeking medical assistance. In IVF, eggs are taken from the ovaries, fertilized in a laboratory, and the resulting embryo is then placed in the uterus. Millions of individuals have benefited from it, yet becoming a parent is a costly, emotionally taxing, and physically taxing procedure with no assurance of success.
Despite advancements in reproductive medicine, infertility and IVF remain taboo subjects. Society still tends to view motherhood as a natural and expected milestone, which can make those facing fertility struggles feel like they are failing at something that should come easily.
The Emotional Toll of Infertility
Infertility is a psychological and emotional struggle rather than merely a physical one. Feelings of loss, inadequacy, and loneliness might result from the trying-to-conceive rollercoaster of hope and despair. The pressure to have children from friends, family, and even complete strangers frequently falls on women in particular.
Chelsea Scott handles these difficulties in Should It Be This Hard? while continuing to practice medicine. While battling her own infertility, she observes her patients go through the pleasures and challenges of pregnancy. Her experience is similar to that of many women who, while being surrounded by support, feel alone in their infertility battles.
Mental health professionals recognize that infertility can lead to anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Studies have shown that the psychological impact of infertility can be as severe as a cancer diagnosis, yet many people hesitate to seek emotional support due to stigma or shame.
Breaking the Silence: Why We Need to Talk About Infertility
Establishing an open and understanding culture is the first step in eradicating the stigma associated with IVF and infertility. Sharing personal tales can help normalize the discourse and offer support to those in need, yet many suffer in silence out of fear of criticism or sympathy.
Challenging Harmful Narratives
Fertility is frequently seen by society as something that can be controlled, which gives rise to damaging misconceptions like “If you adopt, you’ll get pregnant” and “Just stop stressing, and it will happen.” Despite their good intentions, these remarks downplay the actual psychological and medical difficulties associated with infertility. These myths can be debunked by educating individuals about the complexity of reproductive health.
Encouraging Open Conversations
When public figures and everyday individuals share their fertility struggles, it helps to normalize the experience. Celebrities such as Michelle Obama, Chrissy Teigen, and Gabrielle Union have spoken openly about their struggles with infertility, miscarriage, and IVF, helping to shift the narrative and encourage others to seek support.
Supporting Those Going Through IVF
Friends and family play a crucial role in providing emotional support to those undergoing fertility treatments. A simple acknowledgment of their struggle—without offering unsolicited advice—can make a world of difference. Saying things like “I’m here for you” or “You’re not alone” can be incredibly comforting.
The Financial and Social Barriers of IVF
The accessibility of IVF is one of its main problems. Many people and couples cannot afford fertility treatments because they might cost thousands of dollars every cycle. IVF is either entirely or partially covered by insurance in some nations, while it is still an out-of-pocket cost in others. An already challenging trip is made even more stressful by this financial strain.
Furthermore, non-traditional families continue to face social obstacles. Accessing reproductive treatments can be particularly difficult for same-sex couples, those with medical issues, and people who choose to be single parents. In conservative cultures, where the concept of medical involvement in conception is occasionally opposed, the stigma associated with assisted reproduction is especially strong.
Finding Hope and Healing
Despite the many challenges, infertility does not have to define a person’s happiness. Should It Be This Hard? ultimately tells a story of resilience and acceptance. Chelsea’s journey reminds us that motherhood—and fulfillment in life—does not always come in the way we expect.
For those struggling with infertility, it is important to remember that they are not alone. Support groups, therapy, and online communities provide safe spaces for individuals to share their experiences and seek guidance. Organizations such as RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and the Fertility Network UK offer resources and advocacy for those navigating fertility challenges.
A Call for Greater Awareness and Compassion
Breaking the stigma around infertility and IVF requires a collective effort. It starts with open conversations, empathy, and challenging outdated societal expectations. By acknowledging the emotional toll of infertility, advocating for accessible fertility treatments, and supporting those on their journey, we can create a world where no one has to suffer in silence.
Nina Winther’s Should It Be This Hard? is a poignant reminder that fertility struggles are real, painful, and deeply personal—but they are also a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Through honest storytelling, the novel encourages readers to embrace life’s uncertainties and find hope even in the face of heartbreak.
If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, know that your journey matters. You are not alone, and your story deserves to be heard.