We are frequently surprised by life in unexpected ways. We put a lot of effort into planning, dreaming, and shaping our futures, only to encounter unforeseen obstacles. These uncertain periods may be extremely upsetting, whether it’s a relationship that fails, a profession that doesn’t work out as planned, or—like in Should It Be This Hard?—the devastating battle of infertility.
What if, however, life’s detours are more than just roadblocks? What if they are chances to develop, rediscover our satisfaction, and discover previously unimagined avenues? This blog examines how accepting uncertainty can result in fortitude, resiliency, and even unanticipated happiness, using inspiration from Dr. Chelsea Scott’s journey in Nina Winther’s book “Should It Be This Hard?”.
The Illusion of Control: Why We Struggle with Uncertainty
Most of us have an idea of how life should go from an early age. According to society, achieving success entails a straight line: graduate, establish a career, fall in love, have children, and lead a happy life. However, we frequently feel disoriented and like we have failed when things do not go as planned.
Chelsea, the protagonist of Should It Be This Hard? embodies this struggle. As an OB/GYN, she is used to solving medical problems with precision and expertise. However, when it comes to her own fertility battle, she is powerless. No amount of planning, medical knowledge, or effort can guarantee the outcome she so desperately wants. Her journey mirrors the experience of countless individuals who find themselves questioning their path when life takes an unexpected turn.
The truth is, control is often an illusion. While we can make choices and take action, there will always be elements of life beyond our grasp. Learning to accept this can be painful, but it is also the first step toward true resilience.
The Emotional Toll of Unmet Expectations
When life does not go as planned, it is normal to feel a range of emotions—grief, frustration, disappointment, even anger. Whether it is struggling with infertility, losing a dream job, or facing a sudden breakup, these moments can shake our sense of identity.
Chelsea’s experience highlights this emotional turmoil. As she watches her patients experience pregnancy—the very thing she longs for—she feels jealousy and grief, emotions she never expected to battle. Her personal relationships suffer as she and her husband Wesley struggle under the weight of their unfulfilled dreams.
It is important to acknowledge these emotions rather than suppress them. Grieving what could have been is necessary to move forward. However, dwelling on what is out of our control can prevent us from seeing the new possibilities ahead.
Finding Strength in Letting Go
Letting go of a dream does not mean giving up—it means making space for something new. When we loosen our grip on rigid expectations, we open ourselves up to possibilities we might never have considered.
Chelsea’s journey in Should It Be This Hard? is not just about infertility; it’s about learning to redefine happiness. As she helps her patients navigate their own unexpected pregnancies—some joyous, some heartbreaking—she begins to see that motherhood, and fulfillment in general, is not one-size-fits-all.
So how do we learn to let go and embrace uncertainty?
Accept That Change Is Inevitable
Resisting change only leads to more frustration. Instead of asking, Why is this happening to me?, try shifting the perspective to What can I learn from this? Growth often happens in the moments we least expect.
Focus on What You Can Control
While we cannot control every outcome, we can control how we respond. Finding small steps to move forward—whether it is seeking support, exploring new interests, or simply allowing yourself grace—can be empowering.
Find Meaning in the Detours
Some of life’s greatest opportunities come from unexpected turns. A job loss might lead to a career shift you never imagined. A breakup might pave the way for deeper self-discovery. Infertility might lead to adoption, surrogacy, or even a redefined vision of what family means.
Creating a New Vision for the Future
When we release the idea that happiness is tied to a specific outcome, we free ourselves to create a future that is even richer than the one we originally planned.
In Should It Be This Hard?, Chelsea’s story takes an unexpected turn. Just when she begins to accept that her dream of biological motherhood may not come true, fate surprises her. However, by that point, she has already grown—she has learned that her worth is not defined by whether or not she becomes a mother in the way she envisioned.
For anyone facing an uncertain path, the key is to stay open. Life may not look the way you imagined, but that does not mean it can’t be beautiful in ways you never anticipated.
Embracing the Journey, Not Just the Destination
At the heart of Should It Be This Hard? is a message of resilience. Life’s detours are not punishments—they are part of the journey. They teach us, stretch us, and ultimately lead us to places we may never have dared to go.
If you are facing a roadblock, know this: you are not alone. Every person who has ever succeeded has faced setbacks. Every strong relationship has endured challenges. Every dream that has ever come true started as an uncertain possibility.
So, take a deep breath. Let go of what should have been and embrace what could be. You might just find that life’s greatest gifts come from the moments we never planned at all.